The Imbalance of Generosity and Self-preservation

Retrieved from jcogtasquotes.com

          Generosity is the virtue of being kind, selfless and giving to others without expecting something in return and being generous enhances a person's sense of purpose. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with giving and helping people that surrounds us especially those who are in need and it is a much desirable action in the community. However, sometimes people abuse the generosity of a person that they forgot that they should give something in return for the kindness of the person like showing a sincere gratitude, that simple action would suffice instead of saying 'thank you' mindlessly. And sometimes giving too much to people would leave the person with nothing left and at the end he/she alone suffers. This quote struck me the most because I've experienced giving too much, it was not materialistic things but it was my time and love that I gave and sadly, i didn't realized earlier that I dug too deep and with that I couldn't save myself for the mistake I made.

          Inside the classroom, in my house, in my neighborhood, in the society, there are so many people that are co-dependents. I always see them get themselves involve with people helping 'fix' their broken selves. I sometimes wonder why they are compelled to do this when in fact they are suffering and it's  so obvious that even an outsider like me could see through it. It is true that that kind of gesture is praised because they are helping people but also because of that they take the anxiety, guilt, pain, anger of other people on their shoulders and most of the times they make these things their own. They gave too much and received way too little. Just how long can they last living like this? i would never know but for sure it'll be a lot longer.

Helping is a great feeling indeed but forgetting ones self in the process is not. My mother told me to share even the littlest of what I have but she told me that it should be a give and take relationship and it shouldn't be just give, give, give or take, take, take. However, if the person didn't practice this then I should pray for him/her to let them see the importance of gratitude.  What my mother said stuck to me and I learned to apply it for myself as well and because of that I see how miserable and pathetic I was. There are so many people who are takers and never the givers, they've abused the kindness of the person and it is unfair for them since they sacrificed their time to selfish people instead of pampering themselves.

           Like me, I invested my time and effort to people who did not saw my effort and are selfish and at that time I was foolish enough to think that the more I give maybe there's a higher chance of them seeing me and befriending me. I guess i became desperate to feel love and care from someone to reach to that point which is not good. Because of my guileless thinking, it left me hurt and emotionally drained.

I stumbled on The Great Gatsby and now it's one of my favorite novels made into movies. I kind of relate to Jay Gatsby, one of the main characters, because like me he was hopeful and a giver, although his was about his love for Daisy and mine wasn't. He was just a poor man who fell in love with a privileged woman named Daisy. Because of his love for her, he strive to become wealthy to win Daisy who by then is married to a wealthy man. But it did not stopped him, with his wealth, he splurged on extravagant parties in hopes of attracting Daisy and when they were reunited once more, he bathed her with luxuries and with his love. He even took the blame for the death of Myrtle Wilson, the mistress of Daisy's husband, even though it was her who killed Myrtle. In the end, Daisy left Gatsby for her husband while he took the consequences of her action by being killed by the husband of the deceased woman. Gatsby, figuratively and literally, lost himself for giving too much and leaving nothing for himself. This act of generosity kills a person and it shouldn't be like that because we should leave something for ourselves and not "give until it hurts."

Because of giving too much, we forgot that we should see our self importance and to those who are worthy of ours.Retrieved from selfunited.

          Out of the eighty-six or more quotes provided by my English teacher, I chose this because it struck me with its beautiful message. The way I understand it, this means that the more we exert ourselves into giving whether its an object, our abilities or just our presence, the more we are bound to be abused by people because of our willingness to help them. In the process, we would loose ourselves because if we do this kind of generosity, we sacrifice our time making us feel exhausted. We neglect our own needs like relaxation, rest, some alone time and there are times we forget our passions and goals. We let other people hurt us without realizing it, we made them happy while we become more vulnerable to stress, anxiety and depression and this is not good for our mental health.

          This is where the balance of generosity and self-preservation comes in, there should be a balance of both so that both parties benefit and gain no loss. The analogy between this and a candle is perfect because if we constantly use the candle, it would die and it could no longer give off light but if we stop using it and preserve it, it would last longer. That’s how it should work, a limitation should be set because if not we burn out.

          There are many cases in which people have abused and/or overlooked the kindness of people and. Similar situations are portrayed in literature and art and I’ve always believed that there are clear connections between the culture or the happenings in real life and fables and fiction. Literature and art are reflections of what our society is experiencing now. A good example is of the situation of Nick Carraway from the same story, The Great Gatsby. Nick is one, more like the only one, of the closest friend of Gatsby. He has seen the troubles and frustration of Gatsby with his relationship with Daisy and he’s been there for his friend, he was ready to be there for him while Daisy was busy preparing her escape from the crime she has done and he was the only one who was there during his funeral but due to Gatsby’s love for Daisy, he was neglected and was only given attention when Gatsby needs help. Its unfortunate because if it were not for Nick, Gatsby got to see and meet Daisy again. Similar thing happened to my mother, when my aunt got an opportunity to work abroad, my mother was the one who supported her financially, gave her all the necessities my aunt needs for her stay outside the country. And when my aunt would come back here, my mother would offer her shelter and not one of their siblings reached to help my aunt but my mom. Although, my aunt didn’t neglect my mother’s kindness but it was obvious, she abused it. Fortunately, my aunt is now slowly becoming independent.

          The stories written and shown on big screens are messages that people should know and understand. This may sound like a trivial problem but it could affect a person greatly, physically and emotionally. Not to mention that this has been going on for centuries, repeating all over again in different generations. This repetition of action is not only hurting people but it is also hurting relationships of people with themselves and others. It’s time for people to wake up and see. The key to a healthy give is to take notice of ourselves and step back. Detachment doesn’t mean we do not care anymore but instead it means we finally started to care for ourselves and not let people affect us in a negative way.

Only can we reach happiness when we finally free ourselves from slavery and notice ourselves. Retrieved from devondubios.com.

           This is an eye opening quote for someone who has experienced this and to write this based on my experience and beliefs I became more aware of how important balancing relationship with other people and me is. I realized that even though we would offer the world to people, we could never make ourselves happy by doing this but we would only make ourselves miserable. This really helped me since as a student who is constantly put under pressure of living up to the expectations of others; everything is clear now that I should prioritize myself over. Everything has limitations including us and our kindness and there will be a point where we’d tip over and break. Let’s free ourselves from the abuse and NEVER GIVE UNTIL IT HURTS, INSTEAD GIVE UNTIL IT HELPS.

References:

Gilbert, E. (n.d.). Elizabeth Gilbert's Confessions of an Over-Giver. Retrieved from http://www.oprah.com/spirit/how-to-avoid-giving-too-much-of-yourself-elizabeth-gilbert/all.

Grey, savannah. (2015, October 26). Co-Dependency: When You Give Too Much. Retrieved from https://esteemology.com/co-dependency-when-we-give-too-much/.

Wright, M. (2019, February 8). 11 Signs You Are Giving Too Much Of Yourself To Other People. Retrieved from https://thepowerofsilence.co/11-signs-you-are-giving-too-much-of-yourself-to-other-people/.